the thing is, if i study hard for the things that i don't like, in the end i'll get good results and everyone thinks i'm good at it, and think i'm interested in whatever i do, but instead it's just me pushing myself through it all, it's just me being a responsible human being.
sometimes, i feel it's easier to live full of hatred instead of love.
if i can say "fuck you" or "so what" and "i don't care" more often, then objectively/ honestly i'd deal with my problems better.
like in front of toxic people, i can say "fuck you" and walk away, instead of "i love you although you're causing me a lot of pain, i will stay".
when confronted with my own feelings, instead of thinking "i don't want to do what i don't want to do", i can tell myself "fuck you" and pull through whatever it is i am doing.
guess i'm going to need some hatred to power me through these few days.
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