notes for my next counselling session

-don't know why i can't seem to move on past this stage. although i've already tried to solve whatever that i can solve, there is always the past that lingers in my brain, and they are mostly sad memories. it is affecting my ability to concentrate especially when i'm cramming for exams. even guided meditations have decreased effectiveness now.

-i feel like detaching myself from every toxic environment/ people, but i feel so bad about it. it's always a basic human responsibility to stand by people who are hurting, but it pains me further the longer i stay and the longer i care, and for some reason, there are some circumstances around me, that no matter how hard i try, i just can't change it for the better. is it wiser if i just leave them to rot in an attempt to save myself??

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recently, dodie does this "high-low-kudos" thing at the end of every vlog.  as someone who's often reflective, i think i need to use her way too, to remind myself that there are always the HIGHS! among the lows.

high-low-kudos for yesterday:

 highs:
-*pause*
-*pause*
-*pause* lol

hmmmmmmmmmmmm

-when AY read my mind after i showed her a photo of our senior and her boyfriend. it wasn't even a straight-forward thought, but she knew what it was. i feel like i can hide nothing from her. it was hilarious.
-when A phoned her mum in the car with her high-pitched enthusiasm, we laughed talking about it later
- when A noticed me spacing out alone and offered me a fork to have more food HAHA<3 and asked if i want to go somewhere else to play cards with A. grateful.
-when they blasted the music loud enough that we don't have to talk but just sit in each other's presence. it's as if they know me too well.
-when they waited for me to enter the lift before driving off. appreciate <3



lows:
-sometimes feeling like i don't belong in social gatherings, and "i feel like going home"
-still cannot accept that in life, people come and go without reason
-intrusive thoughts.



kudos
-to myself for having the courage to face my fears
-to annyi for being her
-to them for being them👫


i hope i get better at this

now to concentrate on my studiessss one more day till exam i can do thisssss :)