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thoughts are like butterflies, the moment you try to catch it (and remember it), it's gone.

I guess I am fascinated by the way things happen inside humans. More specifically, the changes that happen psychologically, from one paradigm to the other and why/ how did it happen. For example, how did someone go from being depressed to feeling liberated? It is often complex and hopefully one day, I'll be able to come up with a pattern of how it happens. HAHA. Nerd alert!

This is why I am always writing down things, either on this blog or anywhere, honestly. I want to be able to look back on retrospect on how things have progressed. Sometimes when I don't write down, of course I still remember that my thoughts have changed from one to the other, but I don't remember which specific thought came first and how it did.

Anyway, I've just watched a youtube video https://youtu.be/HI8GdzREPfw about social influencers (that I've unfollowed long ago because) finally opening up and being their true authentic selves in front of the camera. 

For some reason it took so long to finally figure out that "oh, it's okay to be the real me in front of the camera", but I completely UNDERSTAND that THIS PROCESS, HAPPENS. It is funny how these values have always surrounded us, things like "you're beautiful just the way you are", or "everything is gonna be okay" but FOR SOME REASON, we just can't fully understand it. We can recite it, teach others, even convince ourselves that we agree, but it is only until you experience crisis in life, experience that whole unconscious process when one thing leads to another, experience walking in circles feeling lost and confused, will you finally come back in the end to the values you've already known existed. Maybe this is what it means to grow up. 

Anyway, I think I shouldn't be afraid to talk to people anymore. I shouldn't be afraid of being online. Because I honestly find it inspiring/ entertaining/ important to know other people's perspective and experience in life. And every object that exists in this world is neutral in nature, it only depends on how people use it. 

So don't be afraid of success, don't be afraid of attention. It depends on how you control it.